Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky. (slithytove) wrote,
Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky.

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Pokemon: Death and Resurrection

This from rec.arts.anime.misc. I liked it so much I posted it to alt.humor-best-of-usenet, but since some of you probably don't read either raam OR ahbou, I'm copying it here.

I think it would be a bad idea to start posting my favorite Usenet stuff to LiveJournal, but this one is so good, I can't resist...

Subject: Re: Hey, that looks like fun!
From: (Frank Raymond Michaels)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.misc

On 16 Apr 2001 06:49:01 GMT, Jynx Doppelgang
<> wrote:

>Very interesting thought came to me tonight. What would happen if you
>took a director from one anime (Hideki Anno, for example), and had that
>director deal with another anime (Ranma 1/2)? Keep in mind that the basis
>of the anime is to be kept intact.
>Any ideas you have, feel free to follow-up. Doesn't necessarily have to
>be Anno's Ranma. It could be Miyazaki's Lain. ^_^

OK. How about Hideaki Anno's
_Pokemon: Death and Resurrection_?

The scene opens on Ash Ketchum face-down in a pool of his
own urine, where he has lain catatonic for three days.

ASH: I cannot be... a Pokemon Master! Not after what
happened to Misty! NOOO!!! [breaks down weeping]

PIKACHU: [coldly] Pi-ka-chu...

FLASHBACK: Pokemon arena in the abandoned ruins of
Hiroshima-3, three days ago. Misty is facing Jessie from the
U.N. Team Rocket Conspiracy. Both are torn and bleeding.
Dead Pokemon litter the field, their scattered entrails
making the floor slippery with blood.

MISTY: Psyduck! Use your mind-rape attack!

JESSIE: Lick-a-tongue! Use the Cunnilingus of Azrael!

Psyduck concentrates and sends a bolt of angst which washes
over both Lickatongue and Jessie. Jessie is immediately
bombarded with images of her mother's abortion-suicide, and
falls to her knees screaming. Lickatongue is also affected,
his tongue misses its mark and amputates Misty's arm at the
shoulder. Misty screams and falls headlong into a widening
pool of her own blood.

MISTY: [fading] Daddy...? I tried... please love me,
Daddy... [dies hopeless and alone, without redemption]


Psyduck goes into berserker mode, impales Lickatongue on its
own tongue, then tears the helpless Jessie to shreds and
devours the bloody pieces.

Back to Ash Ketchum, present day... Close-up of Ash's mad,
staring eye...

ASH: I've got to... catch them... all...

Frank Raymond Michaels ("I'd watch that...")
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