Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky. (slithytove) wrote,
Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky.

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Girl Scout Cookie scandal

I was shocked when I saw this year's Girl Scout cookies. There is a new cookie type this year, the 'All Abouts'. Here are three. They appear to be harmless shortbread with a frosting of hard chocolate... until you read their messages:

'Girl Scouting is all about Leadership'. 'Girl Scouting is all about Friendship'. 'Girl Scouting is all about Fun'.

What can this be, but a monstrous lie? If Girl Scouting is 'all about Leadership', how can it also be 'all about Fun'? There will be none of it left over! It can be 'all about' one or the other, but not both at the same time, it's un-Aristotelian. A cannot equal not-A. What on earth are they teaching kids in schools nowadays? Girl Scouting may be partly about Leadership, and partly about Friendship, but then what's left for being 'all about Fun', and 'all about Values', and 'all about Sharing', and all the rest? I don't see why the Girl Scouts can't be honest, and admit that perhaps Girl Scouting is 10% about Leadership, 7.5% about Values, 23% about Fun, and so forth. Now, I think that would make a stirring TV advertisement: "Girl Scouting! 23% about Fun!"

Now, I'm not the sort of guy to see vast conspiracies everywhere I look (although I think the idea that human history has been manipulated by a cabal of giant, shape-shifting lizards is strangely attractive), but I don't see how you can interpret CookieGate as anything but a blatant attempt to foist an agenda of Non-Western New Age Postmodern illogic on our impressionable young women, doubtless as preparation for converting them into Wiccans, telemarketers, or worse. Would Amelia Earhart have believed such nonsense? No! Golda Meir? No! Oscar Francois de Jarjeyes? No! Tenjou Utena? Well, maybe, Utena never was the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you can see what I'm driving at.

Fight the Cookie Power! Write to your congressman! Demand Truth in Cookie Design! As the tobacco companies are forced to list tar and nicotine content on their packages, force the Girl Scout-Industrial Complex to specify the exact percentage of of Fun, Friendship, Sharing, and so forth present in Girl Scouting! And don't leave out how much of Girl Scouting is Picking on Your Brother, and Scrubbing the Black Stuff off the Bottom of Pots After a Cook-Out, either!

meaning: paper
tegami == letter
washi == Japanese paper
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