"Listen," my resident said to me, "what you need is a really mad ride, and you'll have to beat off the crazy bitches with a stick." He was poking around the eBay Motors site.
"Uh..." I said.
"Like this," he said.
"Wow," I said. "A Lotus. It's very...yellow. And it's described as 'street driveable. That's a plus. I'll be able to actually drive it. Only $65,000. A steal."
"Crazy bitches will be all over you," he said. "They'll just lap it up. They'll love it. They won't be able to get enough of you."
"I dunno," I demured.
"Or how about a Benz?" he asked. "Take at look at this one. Guaranteed, you'll be up to your hips in crazy bitches if you get this one."
"Crazy bitches like cars?" I asked. I have always been slow in the crazy bitch department.
"They love 'em," he assured me.
"Actually," I said, "that's not bad. I...rather like that car."
"You see? Crazy bitches like it too. You'll have to drive them away. Okay, you're done. It's over, you're done. You need that car." He made motions of brushing enamored crazy bitches off his clothing.
"Hey," I said, "I didn't know you could get a Shelby Cobra on eBay..."
"You like it?" he asked.
"...reminds me of Rally Vincent."
"Um, never mind. You know, I'm not really sure I want crazy bitches."
"Everyone wants crazy bitches. You can never have too many crazy bitches."
"I think I'm looking for the kind of woman who would like this:"
"...the hell?" he said.
"That's the Abit KT7A-RAID Socket A motherboard, with IDE RAID on board, and very overclockable. Awesome. Imagine a couple of IBM 75GXP's coupled in RAID 0. I crave that beast."
He shook his head. "I dunno if crazy bitches are going to go for it."
"And I'd really like her to appreciate this:"
"An AMD K7 T-bird, 1.33 GHz, 266 MHz front-side bus, very overclockable. Very sweet CPU."
"I tell you, you gotta go with the car. Crazy bitches are not going to like all this computer stuff."
"Maybe I should give up on the crazy bitches. I'm not really sure I want a crazy bitch after all. Actually, I think she'd get rather bored with me. What if I ever decided to sell the car? Would the crazy bitch go away, too?"
He nodded. "Those are the risks with crazy bitches. But I really think you ought to look into some. You don't know what you're missing."