Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky. (slithytove) wrote,
Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky.

  • Mood:
You probably don't need to be told that this is a bad year for environmental allergy sufferers. It seems that every damned plant in North America has released its pollen simultaneously. I usually don't have bad allergies, and have never needed to be treated, beyond blowing my nose. But this year is... amazing. Amazing and disgusting. I'm sneezing every five minutes, my nose is constantly running, and is now raw. NOT HAPPY.

But let's not blame the victim. Let's point the finger of shame where it belongs: at the offending trees.

This disgusting situation reflects a moral failure on the part of trees. Why in heaven's name do we put up with trees splashing their genetic material over all and sundry?

It amounts to botanical bukkake.

Hell, it's sexual molestation of an entirely unrelated kingdom of life. I mean, imagine oversexed humans running around, ecstatically spraying their gametes on the chemosynthetic archaea. Would you be okay with that? I'm certainly not.

Monogamy for trees would solve the problem. I can imagine a Defense of Tree Marriage Act, which defines marriage as being between one tree and another tree. But if trees are into threesomes, I'm open-minded about that, and even more extensive arboreal polyamory would be dandy, as well as GLBT and BDSM trees, as long as the trees do it in their own damn glades, and don't spurt their DNA to the four winds.
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