Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky. (slithytove) wrote,
Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky.

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A senior Iranian cleric has claimed that dolled-up women incite extramarital sex, causing more earthquakes in Iran, a country that straddles several fault lines, newspapers reported today.
"Many women who dress inappropriately ... cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes," Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi told worshippers at overnight prayers in Tehran.
I find this concept intriguing, but I think inappropriate dress is unlikely to be the the mechanism. I'd suspect something more like a resonance phenomenon gone haywire. The famous Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse, for example, is now known to have been triggered by a frantic spawning run of sexually-frustrated salmon, their tails beating the waters of Puget Sound in unison, causing the bridge to swing wildly, and finally break apart. Iranian earthquakes might be related to the wave summation of tens of thousands of illicit Iranian lovers simultaneously humping. A single coupling can do little more than rock a mattress, but thousands of pelvises rocking and rolling in unison might accidentally cause the earth to move more than metaphorically. Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi is right to be worried.

However, this problem has a solution. Surely in this day of smartphones and Twitter and flash mobs and noise-canceling headphones, there must be a way to assign assignations, so to speak. Iran's illicit affairs of the heart must be organized so that one couple knows to zig when another couple zags, and their energy harmlessly cancels out. It would be a challenge to coordinate the vector forces of tens of thousands of energetic lovers across all of Iran, but I'm sure Google Labs is up to it.
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