"The Ethiopian cooks had two antelopes brought in from the zoo. They gutted, skinned, and roasted them in spices and butter. Twenty turkeys — stuffed with herbs and bread — were thrust into the antelopes and the empty crevasses filled with hundreds of hardboiled eggs. A bleating camel, feeling something sinister in the room, was soon slaughtered as well, his innards replaced with the antelopes, whose innards had been replaced with the turkeys and eggs, whose innards had been replaced with breads, spices, herbs, and fish. And the Emperor of Ethiopia ate only just a little."
There follows a recipe for a vegetarian turducken, dubbed —
— wait for it —
Look. If a camel is too far, then tofu isn't nearly far enough. This is cargo cult turducken.
This is blasphemy. I have never made turducken any more than I have made a pilgrimage to Canturbury, but still I know, the shrine of the blessed martyr Thomas à Becket is there, and just as surely I know, on some fair, far-away stove must be the true turducken, and THIS ISN'T IT.