Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky. (slithytove) wrote,
Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky.
slithytove

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What do you want to be today?

I just joined Mileage Plus. [This is a service of United Airlines. Joining is the only way you can get access to discounted 'e-fares', which is why I joined.]

On many web forms that ask for your name, there is an option to specify a title. Usually, it's Mr./Ms./Mrs./Miss/Dr. Or something similar.

On the Mileage Plus form, the options are:

Mr
Ms
Mrs
Miss
Dr
1sgt
1st Lt
2nd Lt
Adm
Baron
Baroness
Bishop
Brig Gen
Brother
Capt
Cardinal
Cmdr
Cmst
Col
Count
Countess
Cpl
Cpo
Dean
Duchess
Duke
Elder
Ens
Father
Fleet Adm
General
Governor
Gysgt
Hon
Imam
Judge
Lady
Lcpl
Lord
Lt
Lt Cmdr
Lt Col
Lt Gen
Lt Jg
Ma
Major
Major Gen
Mcpo
Mgysgt
Minister
Monsignor
Most Rev
Mother
Msgt
Mstr
Pastor
Petty Off
Pfc
Po1
Po2
Po3
President
Prince
Prof
Pvt
Rabbi
Rear Adm
Rev
Right Rev
Scpo
Senator
Sfc
Sgt
Sgtmaj
Sir
Sister
Smn
Smn1
Smst
Sp4
Sp5
Sp6
Sr
Sra
Srta
Ssgt
Swami
Tech Sgt
Very Rev
Vice Adm

Holy shit! I don't even know what some of these are. What is a 'Ma', for heaven's sake? Like 'Ma Kettle'? Or a 'Scpo'? Wasn't that one of Caesar's generals? Or an 'Smn'? Or a 'Sra'? And aren't there some missing? How about 'Mistress'? Doesn't Mileage Plus think that any dominatrixes will want to use their service?

But you can be a Swami! How cool is that? Let me go get my flute and my basket of snakes right now. Or Imam! I imagine myself stirring up my followers to attack the embassies of nations I don't happen to like that day. France, you bunch of supercilious, American-hating brie-eaters with bad livers! Better run, sucka, I'm about to sic my millions of fanatical followers on you, muhahahaha!

And you know, I've always secretly wanted to be a Baroness. Ever since I read a novel, in which the first line was "'I shall not attempt Everest again,' said the Baroness, poking at the embers of the fire with her wooden leg." What do I want to be today? Fleet Admiral? Duke? Most Rev? Governor? Senator? Cardinal? Or am I the very model of a modern Maj Gen?

The funny part is, you have pick a title, or the form won't let you continue. Otherwise I would never have looked at the damn list. Hm. What do I want to be today?

I think I'll be a Swami. Crank up the sitar music and strew flowers in my path, Mileage Plus, here comes Swami Slithy Tove! All bow!

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