1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve? The glowing flesh of giants, sauced nicely, garnished with leeks and potatoes, and served with crusty bread, butter, a good red Zinfandel.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell? Mummified monkey paws, statuettes in which ancient demons are bound, rat-eaten tomes of obscene knowledge from beyond the stars that is not good for living men, books that are actually gateways to a land of adventure vaguely similar to ancient China in which every male is a bishounen, and puzzle boxes. You know, stuff like that.
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be? A short manual of moral and religious instruction for the use of a race of intelligent parasitic worms who spend their entire lives in the tissues of immense ocean-going skates, hundreds of meters broad, that paddle lazily through the lightless hydrogen seas of Jupiter.
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach? Hamartiology, Apologetics, Eschatology, Rhetoric, Polemics, and Baking.
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it? Baroque fugues, reinterpreted for musical instruments made to reproduce the sound of Cretaceous birds' syrinxes. Either that, or trance.