It occurred to me tonight—whilst perusing a map of Antarctica—that there is no recognized Santa Claus for the South Pole.
It stands to reason that if there is a Santa Claus for the North Pole, jolly, rotund, full of bonhomie, there must be an equal and opposite force in the universe, resident at the South Pole, for the karmic burden to balance. Dark santa, as it were. We may term this force the 'Anti Claus'.
What might the Anti Claus be like?
He will be an anorexic grouch, with a full head of hair and clean-shaven. He will have perfect vision, washboard abs, and not an ounce of body fat. He will wear Speedos. He will drive a station wagon pulled by swimming chickens. Every summer solstice, he will barge into your house by the front door and steal some of your stuff, leaving milk and cookies behind. He will take your toys to his workshop at the South Pole where his elves will tear them down for parts, which they will sell on eBay. He will smoke reefer. He will live in sin with a former Penthouse model.
His elves will have 'L O V E' and 'H A T E' tattooed on their knuckles.
We've been through this before, but it's worth repeating: if you don't think you look as good as a Maxim model, maybe that's just because you don't have some Photoshop geek morphing your body into into an ideal form unknown to nature. Or maybe because, as brownpau on MetaFilter suggested, Kata Dobo's boobs are so heavy they're acting as a gravitational lens and distorting the tiles. Yeah, that's it.
== heishi == soldier
|Originally a pictogram of an axe being held in both hands, i.e., as a military weapon. Henshall suggests taking the top part as the axe, and the bottom part as a 'table', and as a mnemonic: 'Soldier puts axe on table.'|