Last night at work sucked rats. It sucked large, brown hairy rats with attitude. It sucked rats that smell of the sewer, with wet, rank, sour fur, black beady eyes sparkling with malice, and black whip-like tails that lash through the foul water. It sucked rats with yellow cracked teeth, rats with tiny grey ears slicked back against their heads, rats with narrow skulls within which dwell little rat brains brimming with nasty manipulative little rat-thoughts. It sucked rats in Atlantic City, rats in New Haven, rats in Schenectady, rats in Albuquerque, rats in Kalamazoo, rats in every city, burg, and hamlet across this great nation. It sucked worker rats and middle-manager rats, baby rats and senior citizen rats, bag-boy rats and pro-golfer rats, rocket scientist rats and stick-up man rats, anime fan rats and NASCAR fan rats. It sucked rats in the morning, rats in the evening, ain't we got fun. It sucked rats in the summer when it sizzles, in the winter when it drizzles, it sucked rats every moment, every moment of the year. It sucked rats who rise from bed every morning with a song in their hearts, ready to greet the glad day and all it may bring; it sucked rats with poor self-esteem and a delusional body image and eating disorders, who practice self mutilation; it sucked rats who work faithfully at dead-end jobs to provide for their families, all the while dying inside because they didn't take that tramp steamer to Marrakesh when they were 17 years old; it sucked rats who give vague and misleading answers to political pollsters; it sucked rats who work as bar girls in the Raffles Hotel in Singapore, and rats who struggle with Win32 ports of GNU apps, and rats who have memorized pi to 100 decimal places, and rats who have problems with alcohol, and rats who had a girlfriend named Carol when they were 23, and rats who shill their new novel on late night talk shows, and rats who are found in body parts in plastic garbage bags at rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike, and rats who can't walk past a shoe store without buying a new pair, and rats who watch The Young and the Restless, and rats who have to give away hundreds of pounds of surplus zucchini from their gardens each fall, and rats who are karma whores on Slashdot. It sucked rats of every conceivable description. It sucked a universe of rats.
Did I mention how it sucked rats?