Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky. (slithytove) wrote,
Be wise. Be brave. Be tricky.
slithytove

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NO PILLS NEEDED! JUST BRING YOUR PENIS TO ME

A blog of handbills from contemporary South Africa.

A physician (perhaps William Osler?) once said that when every physician has his own treatment for a disease, you may conclude that the disease cannot be successfully treated. Why? Because if there were a good treatment for it, every doctor would use it.

Many of these handbills are for herbal/traditional healers, offering treatments for things that a) are common afflictions, and b) there's no cure for.

Penises. Too short, too soft, too quick.
Jobs. They don't pay enough, and they're boring.
Our stomachs are too big. It's too much trouble to make them smaller.
We get pregnant, and then we get anxious about it.
Our lover left us.
Our luck is just lousy.
Our homes are afflicted with ghosts and tokoloshis.
People don't like us.
We're in a lawsuit, or the police keep hassling us.
The doctor says we have high blood pressure, and the prescription medication costs too much and makes us feel sluggish or makes us pee all the time.
We drink too much.
We don't know what the future might bring, and we're worried about it.
A friend or relative is bewitched.

These are universal problems, aren't they? And unlike problems with your kitchen plumbing or phone service, they have no simple cure. Variants of these complaints turn up on webboards and in advice columns, and in spam. The answers are well-intended (except for the spam), but none is really what we want. What we want is to put down money, and get a fix. The way you'd buy vinyl siding.

But everyone seems to have a different answer. And we've figured out that the spammers just want our money.

It's just frustrating. It makes us depressed. We think we'll go to Baran's Theatre Restaurant and watch South Africa's Favourite Poppie, Dowwe Dolla for a while, to take our mind off it.

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